The World According to Ms. Alison

There are an awful lot of claims that the so-called "Mozart Effect" makes you smarter (therefore of course all we professional classical musicians are astoundingly brilliant by virtue of untold hours associating with Amadeus).  Ahem.  But far more plausible to me is the the "Magic Flute Effect Upon Poop".  It is a PROVEN and economically valuable fact that Mozart inspires sewage microbes to new heights of Mixed Liquor Volatile Suspended Solids Production.  This intriguing insight is just begging to become someone's DMA dissertation.  Check it out!

"In 2010, a sewage treatment plant near Berlin, Germany, trialed a Mozart sound system made by German company Mundus. Music from “The Enchanted Flute” was played to biomass-eating microbes. Initially, the plant almost canceled the experiment after a few months. But after a year, when it was time to clean the sludge, the plant found that it only had to transport 6,000 cubic meters (about 212 cubic ft.) away, instead of the usual 7,000 cubic meters. Detlef Dalichow, a specialist in wastewater management, told the newspaper Märkische Allgemeine, “We have significantly less sludge to transport away.” The company saved an estimated 10,000 euros on the cost of transporting sludge. Mundus says its speakers strive to accurately replicate the sound of a concert hall".

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I could cite a number of recent studies about the predictably positive mental, physical and social benefits of piano study for older adults and the elderly.  (I'm particularly hopeful about the one that claims a 90% increase in Human Growth Hormone (hGH) as this is supposed to slow the appearance of wrinkles).  However, adhering to the classic pedagogical principle of "show, don't tell", I instead draw your attention to "The World's Most Dangerous Polka Band" of Nye's Polonaise in Minneapolis, MN. 

No matter how soul crushing the 35 below windchill might become, the WMDPB always, ALWAYS, warmed my heart.  It is worth noting that bandleader Joe Hayden took up the trumpet at the age of 50, and had his first pro gig a year later.  It's polka, not Vivaldi, but who cares?  The point is, learning an instrument later in life can be good not only for you, but for everyone around you as well.

Trumpet is inarguably a lot more difficult to learn to even a basic level than piano.  So no more nonsense about not trying!  You will be playing "roll out the barrel" before you know it.  Promise. 

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"Fun" is a word that can be used in the most inane contexts.  I mean, really, how "fun" do "fun runs" or "fun facts" ever turn out to be?  And so it has come to my attention that calling my approach "Piano FUNdamentals" apparently comes across in one of two ways.  The first, which was my intention, is to emphasize that learning any instrument (or in my opinion learning anything at all) can and should be engaging, satisfying, comprehensible, and, in the final analysis, just as enjoyable as it is challenging.  The other, which was not my intention at all, is that "fun" is a synonym for "frivolous". 

This is evidenced by the number of calls I get from two particular types of parents.  My favorites are the student refugees who truly want to learn piano, but have had less than inspiring experiences thus far.  They are endlessly confused and tend to say "sorry" a lot.  They are also extremely persistent and motivated.  Their parents sound most relieved that I have somehow have magically put the "fun" back into piano.  But really all I have done is given the student the tools, skills and information to feel confident in their abilities, and consequently to fuel their own enthusiasm.

The other type of parents want to know if little Johnny can "try it out" to "see  if it's fun", because they want him to be "exposed to music".  I know from painful experience that this is shorthand for an expectation that I will continually reschedule my professional life around his endlessly rotating activities and pretend not to notice that there is absolutely no parental assistance at home and therefore very little progress.  Because, after all, it says right there in my logo that piano is FUN, and therefore not to be taken very seriously.  And therefore, neither am I.  And therefore, I refer them to someone else.

No, learning any instrument is not all frolics and romps.  And yes, Ms. Alison does have extremely high standards and expectations.  And yes, she does subscribe to the unfashionable belief that efficient, effective, engaging work is in itself a pleasure.  The effort expended is exponentially outweighed by the satisfaction, confidence and joy gained by truly mastering even the most...FUNdamental...of pieces.

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