The Enter-Painer

When naughty piano teachers are finally sent to The Big Practice Room in The Sky, there are a couple things we can count on.  First of all, just like in mortal life, The Big Practice Room itself will be so small you cannot open the door without it banging into the piano.  There will definitely be no ventilation.  Of any kind.  Ever.  On a good day it will smell merely of bananas.  And it will, of course, be acoustically designed to amplify every forsaken squeak and paradiddle issuing forth from the neighboring clarinet and drum studios .  Above, the flute choir, playing arrangements from the latest episode of "Glee".  Below, fire and brimstone.

And there will be, of course, an infernal, diabolical loop of "Fur Elise" and "The Entertainer" (probably ringtones).  It's another blog for another day about how many tiny transfer students arrive having spent at least a semester working on the first 8 measures of the original scores of either (or, dear god, both).  Admittedly, pretty much every five year old arrives for their first lesson knowing they want to play it- HOW they know this is sufficient evidence that hell must indeed exist.  And WHY anyone would "teach" it to students who can barely handle a late elementary method book can only be evidence of a hidden epidemic of masochism among my colleagues.

So.  Ms Alison being nothing if not pragmatic, she strongly suggests (as in, with every fiber of her eternal soul) diverting student interest to the performance of said pieces on alternate instruments.  A quick Google search will reveal arrangements for glass harp, sousaphone, banjo, accordion, didgeridoo, and lots of inspirational snowglobes.

Snowglobes!  Nice!